Title:  Turks
By:     Chaos

Chapter Three
Rude

"........................................"That's what all that people
think I say.  But they're wrong.  Way wrong.  I'm just a man of few
words.  Is there anything wrong with that?  And Elena keeps on insulting
me on my bald head.  Damn bitch.  She got into Turks by default.  Me?  I
had to work myself to death.  The old boss, what's his name, had these
weird rituals that freaked me out.  My first task was to go and kill a
Midgar Zolom, then bring its head to boss and ritualistically drink its
fluids.  I almost quit right then and there.  Then Tseng came in and
said, "Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't drink it.  Colored grape
juice will do the trick to fool him.  The bad thing is, when I got into
Turks, I DID drink it.  I was out of commission for a week."  So, after
that, my next task was to run across the swamp without running into
Midgar Zolom, and then place a tent in a box on top of the steps in the
cave.  It took me eight tries just to get past the Zolom.  Then after
that, I had to go into a cave and then place something I might need when
I come back into a box.  I sure am glad Cloud and the others killed
boss.  Then, right after that, they killed Hojo.  That was a bonus.  He
wanted to inject me with Red XIII's cells.  When I tried to fight back,
he sicced Sephiroth on me.  So, I backed down, and then ran.  I am NOT
going to be an experiment.  Thank goodness Midgar is destroyed on the
most part.  No more Shinra!  Now the Turks are the most powerful people,
except AVALANCHE, on the planet!  AVALANCHE and Turks are now allies. 
That's odd.  Turks have never worked with other people than themselves. 
Oh, well.  Proud to be a Turk!  Elena, that horny woman, is all over
Tseng.  Come on, they both went into Tseng's room at the same time. 
I'll go pound on the door and break up the whole thing.  I think I've
said my share, even though Reno's the only one who heard.  Oh, he want's
me to tell him some more.  Okay.  What is there to say?  Oh, yeah.  That
girl Yuffie became a Turk.  With her skills, she is a perfect Turk.  I
mean, basically, Turks are now mercenaries.  No more Shinra, no more
job.  So we basically put up advertisements saying we'll do anything for
anyone.  Yuffie is now off on assignment doing some spy work.  She is so
good.  I guess being a ninja works.  I'll have to go to Wutai and get
some training.  Besides, the Turtle Paradise has the best liquor.  At
the end of the battle with Sephiroth, and Meteor destroying Midgar and
then being destroyed, Yuffie asked for all the materia and got it. 
After she made Wutai famous, and not a resort town, she took the materia
and joined Turks.  It was easy for her because boss wasn't here, and
what she'd done for the planet was qualifying enough.  When she joined,
she dispersed the materia among us.  Seeing as all the other AVALANCHE
members decided to settle down, us Turks decided to take on the Weapons
that they decided to leave behind.  Chasing Ultimate Weapon was hard
enough.  Then trying to find Ruby Weapon after defeating Ultimate was
even harder.  Turns out it was in the Gold Saucer Desert.  Then the
whole trip with Emerald Weapon, I won't even mention that.  In the end,
there is a lot fewer monsters roaming about.  Seeing as Mako Reactors
have been torn down so that they can't be produced.  Some people even
decided to keep them as pets.  That's the weirdest.  Well, Elena and
Tseng just came out of the room all sweaty and such, now it's Elena's
turn at bat.  Damn, horny bitch.

*DISCLAIMER*
Final Fantasy 7 and all other Final Fantasy references is Square's and
only Square's.  This fanfiction is mine and mine alone.  Back off!!