God, the Devil and Seifer Part 7 Disclaimer; I don't own the Tom Green Show nor the characters from ff8, I do own all the little demons and Meg. A/N; I'm sorry I didn't update sooner. You probably don't care about what the reasons are but maybe some of you do; 1 Seiftisboard 2 I have been reading fanfiction too and 3 the URGE to write was really really TINY. Just have fun reading this. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WooWOOHWOOOH!" Irvine does freakdance. "Where is my Selphybabe?" He looks around cupping his eyes with rounded hands making them look like glasses, and notices a 'special opening' titled BoombaWoom. Irvine didn't see Selphie anywhere so headed into that BoombaWoom and makes himself comfortable on a sofa. Rin and Squall mindlessly follow him. A nasty looking guy comes on stage. "And now, Lady;" motions to Rinoa and winks. She shudders. "- and Gentlemen, the act you've all been waiting for! TWIIIITCHYYSELPHIEEE!" He shrieks and coughs. Men cheer. "I wonder why they call her twitchy?" Rinoa mumbles to Squall. He shrugs. Selphie comes on stage, cheesy porn music is played, men cheer and ogle her. She does her stripstuff but she keeps twitching her eyes. "Oh, that's why." Rinoa says. But when Selphie was about to take off her bra, Irvine jumped on stage, pretending he's Tarzan. Screams at her: "Me Irvine, you HOT!" and 'kidnaps' her. Yeah, kidnapping her after falling offstage with an angry, and kicking, Selphie over his shoulder. He quickly ran out of the stripclub while Rinoa and Squall follow them. Irvine dived into the backseat motioning to Zell, who was doing the nasty with Meg in the backseat. "ZELL! DRIVE!" and makes himself comfortable in the passengerseat. Zell drives back home safely before mad people from the stripclub followed them. Squall and Rinoa obviously decided to stay. "That Irvine is really aberrant." Squall comments, Rin nods and went back inside and to hell after a few hours. "Hey Selph;" Zell smiles at a pissed off Selphie. "Long time no see, you look GREAT!" Selphie slaps Irvine on his arm. "How could you do that to me!" Irvine smiles broadly at her. "Oh Selphie, I love you so much!" She growls at him. "Don't you know how much money I'm missing out because of you!? 10.000 frickin GIL!" Slaps him some more. "I'll make it up to you, I swear!" Selphie kept slapping him the whole ride home. After Zell and Meg said goodnight to Irvine and Selphie they went back to Zell's place...with Meg being homeless and all. Selphie finally agreed to stop arguing. And made Irvine sleep on the bathroomfloor after he tried to have sex with her. She headed to bed, and so did Irvine after Seifer called him to ask him if he would replace him tomorrow at Kindergarten...he agreed. So everybody got a good nightsleep...everybody except for Zell, Meg, Quistis and Seifer that is HA! ...Don't even start thinking about all the stuff Rinoa and Squall could be doing. That morning, after Seifer made sure Quistis was alright, she had been throwing up all morning, he left for Kindergarten. Once he had arrived he announced that Irvine would be taking over today. "So, at 11:30, a funny guy named Irvine, will teach you!" He winces. "...that's another 150 minutes." "But we don't wanna miss you!" Little demon4 yells and flung her arms around his legs. Seifer looks highly annoyed. Some time later... "Mista Teacher?" Seifer nudges to little demon5, named Dewie. "...what?" "Where do babies come from?" Seifer grins. "Hell." Little demon5 fingerpaints his own face. "You lie." "No, I'm not. I am a teacher. I know EVERYTHING." Dewie makes handprints on Seifer's pants. "Really? When was I born?" "Four years ago." Dewie's eyes grow in awe. "Whoa." He quickly runs over to the other kids and whispers things to them while some of them quickly take a peek at their teacher. After a minute or so some come up to him...asking him stupid stuff. "Will I get rich?" "Is Mista Kinneas cute?" "Will I invent something awesome?" Seifer runs into a corner and sobs. "Leave me ALONE." Good thing for Seifer, Irvine arrived 20 minutes later. "YO KIDS! UNCLE IRVY IS HERE!" All kids stare at him. "Mista Almasy, ya said we be havin another mista...not a girl!" Boys squirm and giggle. "EEEW COOTIES!" "Just because Mister Irvine has a ponytail, doesn't mean that he is a she okay?" Seifer nudges to Irvine. "I have to go now, man. You gonna be okay?" "OF COURSE! Just go!" Seifer shrugs and leaves. A few girls run into a corner, gossiping. "Dewie whispers out loud. "Is she normal? Girls THIS BIG should have boobies!" Kids giggle. Irvine makes a funny face. "I am NOT a girl. I AM A MAN, got it?" Little demon6 pulls Irvine by his pants. "You don't sound like a girl!" She giggles. "It's a HESHE!" All boys start laughing and giggling. Little demon6 clings to Irvine's leg. "I think he's cute!" She exclaims. Some girls giggle. Irvine pats her on her head. "You have cooties! You have COOTIES!" Dewie screams and points at Little demon6. She sobs. Irvine picks her up and starts comforting her. "It's okay, cooties don't exist. Dewie is just jealous because he wants to be with you!" She makes a funny face and boys start laughing at Dewie. He balds his fists and starts running around like a madman. Selphie had been taking care of Quistis and they have some fun together. They're comfortably on the couch while watching The Tom Green Show. They start talking about stuff. "So, Irvine was all horny and hyper. He was like moving around like a fish does on dry land and then he made this noise: "Ga! gaga GAGAGAAaa!"...and that's how I lost my virginity!" They laugh and continue their talk. "Selph, I have to tell you something." "What is it?" "I think I'm pregnant." Selphie laughs. "OH MY GOD!" Laughs even harder. "Poor SEIFER!" "Yeah, well, I guess he'll have to live with it." "But are you sure?" "...I think so, I threw up this morning and I was fine before all that!" "Should I go and get you some pregnancy test or whatever?" "If you want to." Selph stood up and pats Quistis on her knee. "Be back soon, hon!" And in the meanwhile Seifer was merrily driving to his father's place, it was just 50 minutes to Dollet and was glad he had been able to escape from the little demons. His parents had divorced after Seifer's marriedge. Neither had explained why, so Seifer kept assuming it was because his dad had kissed Quistis. Seifer sings along with the radio, but hears a second male voice singing with him. "Squall?" "Nah, you can call me God." Seifer looked into his frontmirror to see who sat in his backseat; a middle aged looking guy with a white cloak on and a pair of glasses. Cid (God) quickly motions to Seifer to watch the road. "So...umm...what are you doing here ...God?" Cid chuckles. "You believe I'm God so soon? Oh well, saves us some time, doesn't it?" He laughs. "Anyway, I've notived Squall swarming around you lately." "...So?" "Oh, I just wanted to say that you have to watch out for him." "I'm a big boy now, DADDY." He remarks sarcastically. Cid giggles. "Heehee, you're so funny! Anyway, I also have an assignment for you." Seifer moans. "You guys just CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF ME CAN YA?" He snorts. "What's my job, ALMIGHTY?" "I want you to prove that mankind can live together in peace." "What?! Don't you know how many people there are on this world?!" God shakes his head in disapproval. "No need for yelling, control your temper boy. I just need you to try your best; only in your enviroment." "What do you mean?" "Well umm, whenever people fight, I need you to get them together in peace!" He laughs. "...whatever you want, sir." He mocks. Cid smiles and folds his arms. "BUT; since I just have to much on my mind, I'll FUCKING PASS!" Seifer yells. Cid raises his voice. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT! I will END THE WORLD if you won't!" He threatens. "Oh? So soon... Oh well, might as well shag like monkeys with Quis." He makes a U-turn. "NOOO!" Cid turns car around with super powers. "You must complete your first assignment!" "ACK! And that may be?" "Making up with your father." Seifer snorts. "Honestly, I'll think I'll pick having sex with Quis over making up with my dad." Cid makes a funnyface. "What could persuade you Seifer?" "...be the ultimate lover? ...Yeah why the hell not. I want to be the perfect lover, FOREVER. So that my darling wife can brag to her stupid friends." "That can be arranged, I guess. Alright, will you be off to your father now?" "Yeah yeah, now leave me alone." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...Yeah I know, I finally updated.Oh well, next chapter will contain Seifer's visit to his dada. MUHAHAHA. And his dada's friend is ...not your regular friend. Oh well. My apologies. I'll see ya guys around. Later.