Lost Within Blood and Tears Disclaimer: I borrowed characters off FF8 (Obviously) and they still belong to Squaresoft. But other characters are mine. You steal my characters and I will kill you and make it look like an accident. *smiles shifty eyes* Chapter 15- Crossroad I know I've got a face in me Points out all the mistakes to me You've got a face on the inside too and You're paranoia's probably worse I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is I can't add up to what you can but Everybody's got a face that they hold inside A face that awakes when they close their eyes A face that watches everytime they lie A face that laughs everytime they fall It haunts us everyday So that when its time to sink or swim The face inside is watching me Right beneath the skin - Papercut Linkin Park Chani recovered quickly and got to her feet. She wobbled to the side a bit and was caught by Squall before she fell again to the floor. He placed her into a chair before she could fall and hurt herself. "You okay?" Zell asked, anxiety in his voice. "Yeah." Chani pressed her hands to her head and sighed. "I have a headache." "I bet." Zell murmured as he watched her. He ran his hand reassuringly over her hair. 'I'm never going to get used to these vision things.' He told himself as he patted her head lovingly. "So ummm what did you see?" Rinoa asked anxious, curious, and foreboding. "Once again can't explain." Chani said rubbing her fingers in circles on her temples. This headache was getting to her. She used to get headaches when she was younger but she thought they were over and done with now. She was obviously wrong. Chani shook her head and ran her hands through her hair. "Our next target is a demon. He's a lot more powerful than Bombay was but he's almost as stupid. He's vain." They stood silently contemplating her words. She continued. "One problem. A surprise attack won't work on him; it's expected... that and Kalla is with him... If we're really lucky we might be able to take both of them out. And believe me we're going to need a hell of a lot of luck." Chani finished her narrative and shuddered in remembrance of the dream. No matter how much she tried to protect herself from them she could never really cope with it completely. "Great. Luck. We seem to have a lot of that lately." Squall muttered with sarcasm. "Will you just stop your bitching and moaning already!" Seifer hissed throwing his hands into the air with emphasis. Squall glared at him. " Chani where are we going now?" Seifer asked more gently but still with veiled threat. "No where for a while. They're waiting for us. " "But-" "They want us to come now. They're counting on it. We do what they expect we're going to die." She was panting with the effort to keep down her emotions. " I know Kalla. He's smart. Too smart. I'm not going, we're not going. I'm not going to let us die!" Her voice culminated into a whisper infused with fear and some ingrown terror. " This is a good place to hang out for a while." Kayonna reflected as she gazed about. "Do you think they have any idea we're here?" "Nah. They think we're on our way to them. They're counting on it. They will be on the lookout for us and odds are we're going to get caught. We lay low they'll get frustrated, and confused and more than likely get side tracked. This gives us an advantage. A small advantage but an advantage all the same." Silence lingered. Chani's eyes examined Quistis. "Quistis I got a job for you if you're up to it. You're going back to the crater and stuff right?" Quistis nodded. She didn't know what this job was going to be but she would go for it. She had to. Chani nodded in response. "Alright. It'll be dangerous though. I want you to run. Run anywhere but run fast and run long. We need a distraction if we even hope to get anywhere near where we need to go. You're the distraction. Just leave subtle hints so just enough attention is drawn to you but not too much. I'm only asking you because I know you're too smart to get caught. That and are better at avoiding trouble than any of us." She glanced around at the rest of them, eyes flooding with a meaningful look. Quistis nodded and managed a tiny smile to creep onto her face and wash away the despair on her friend's faces. "I'd better be going then..." She said as stately and dignified as possible. Seifer got up and took her hand in both of his, "Good luck." He whispered quietly before giving her a final pat on the shoulder before leaving the room. "Well, I'll be seeing you soon. Bye." Quistis smiled and walked out into the streets and onto the road that would take her away from everything she knew. ***** "Quistis!" A strong voice called her name. She had only heard the voice a few times before but knew that if she turned around to face him then it would be harder to turn back and set her feet back on the road. She ignored her name. Hands grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. "Hi" Ben panted out of breath, doubling over with his hands on his knees. He had run all the way to see her and was now suffering his anxiousness. Quistis forced on a smile, "Hi." He managed to stand up straight but was still fighting off the panic of not being able to breathe. "I've been looking for you." "You found me." "Obviously. I-" Quistis placed a finger to his lips to stop him from continuing. "Ben wait. Before you go on I have a question for you. How do you get back to the rest of the world? I need to go. Now." He looked at her in disbelief. His lips moved but no sound came out. "I'm sorry." She said. There was nothing else she could say. It was like that one time back at Balamb Garden she thought. The time when a guy followed her around for a month and when she finally confronted him and told him she wasn't interested he transferred to a different garden. Then, too, all she could say was that she was sorry. "Quist-" He had to clear his throat before he could continue. He had only just met her but he had to know more about her. There just weren't people like her around here. And that simple fact meant more to him then she could ever fathom. "Quistis, why?" "I have a job to do, Ben. I have to go. Are you going to help me or not?" She began walking away when he just stared at her. He reached out and grabbed her wrist, harder than he had meant to. "Let go Ben." She snarled dangerously. He loosened his grip but refused to let go. "Are your friends going with you?" She caught his tone and became determined not to back down, "No." She answered holding her head high. His hand came up and ran through his hair angrily. "Then why you! Why can't one of them go? Answer me that! Why you, huh?" "It's got to be me." Ben let out a stream of curses under his breath. Finally done he looked up at her, "I'm coming." "No you're not." "Yes I am." "And I told you you're not." She was beginning to lose patience. "Quistis, I finally find the girl of my dreams and now I'm going to let her go out into the world alone, where I have no idea where, and send her potentially to her own death? Sorry Quistis I wasn't brought up that way!" His voice rose again. "Well I was!" She answered, keeping sure to keep her firm standing point and composure. It had been a while since she had had to deal with someone as obstinate as this and she was terrified of losing her composure. She was Instructor Quistis Trepe she reminded herself. She would get through this. "You can't stop me. I'll follow you." "That is what we call an empty threat." She said rolling her eyes. "Besides, you wouldn't be able to find me." "I'm coming with you and that's final! You're not getting rid of me!" His voice came out strained with emotion, almost threatening. "You're acting like a child!" Quistis snapped irritated. "I am a child! We both are!" He retorted, his breathing coming as fast as his anger. "No!" She screamed even surprising herself. She locked his eyes in a standoff. Why was he doing this to her? Why was he torturing her? Didn't he know it was already hard enough for her to leave her friends without leaving someone who cold potentially be more? she put down her anger and let it seep away. "No. I am not a child. I grew up a long time ago." "How old are you then?" He asked through gritted teeth. "Nineteen-" "See you're even younger than me" She shook her head. "You may be young but I'm old. I have things to do. I don't have the luxury of being young." He couldn't think of a way to counter her argument. He racked his brain, the answer coming out but not making much sense to her argument, "Around here you're not considered grown up until you're twenty-five!" "I'm not from around here!" She yelled, almost laughing with frustration as she threw her hands up into the air. He stood silent. "Where I'm from," She continued when he said nothing, "You don't have the luxury of being a child. You can't be. You are born old. You grow up fast. You don't have a choice, you have to. You go and live for a few years and do you're job. If you survive you get married, usually by the time you're twenty, you have kids, and you die young. Some kids don't remember or never met their parents, that's how quickly life ends for you. That's all assuming you even live that long to begin with. You have to be smart, fast, and good at what you do to even get that far. if you're not you're dead. You, Ben, you would be dead." He didn't know how to respond. What the hell was she talking about? He had a horrible feeling that he already knew. "What do you do?" He asked at last. "I'm a god-damned mercenary Ben!" He just stared at her making her want to die. He already knew he told himself. He had always known. "You are asking me to bring you to that!" She caught a breath and forced herself to get through this when all she wanted to do was take him with her, in part to shut him up, and in part to not be alone. "I can't bring you to that! You would die! I still might die on this mission! One body to stain the earth is enough, not two." "I deserve to die..." Quistis snapped. This was too much. "You deserve to die? What did Ben do that he deserves to die?" She asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. His eyes searched the ground for some way to disappear. He said too much already. But he couldn't lie to her. if he wanted to know her better he couldn't lie to her. "...I killed a man..." ***** Quistis's jaw dropped open with shock, a gesture which she didn't put much stock in. Her mind couldn't grasp it. Through her jumbled thoughts she managed one simple word, "What?" His voice came softer than it had before but even his quietness was enough to verify the truth for her, "I killed a man." She had killed many people, something she was still trying to live with herself. She had her own reasons for doing it though, it was her job to do it. To see someone else kill was wrong, almost unnatural. "Why?" She asked biting her nails in confusion and frustration. "I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. He came at me with a knife. He wanted to kill me so I killed him first." His eyes never left the ground as he burned with shame and internal torment. "I snapped his neck. He was trying to force my sister to marry him." "What happened?" "My sister was ashamed of me so she ran away. She was fifteen. I haven't seen her since... That was two years ago." "Why did she run away?" "You don't know anything about punishment for crimes around here do you?" She shrugged. "No." "Punishment for murder is death." "But you're not dead-" He shook his head sadly. "I'm still considered a child. I'm a child until I'm twenty-five. I have until then but my life is forfeit. I'm still breathing but I'm considered dead. My sister knew that. She was ashamed because I killed that bastard and guilty because I killed him for her. He didn't deserve her but she didn't have a choice. The dick wanted her as his wife and since he was some big, powerful, rich, old ass she was forced to marry him. I stuck up for her and she felt guilty and was ashamed that my life was going to end because she didn't want to marry him. So she ran away. I have no idea what happened to her. I just hope she is better off out there than she was here. You know she was the only person ever to leave here? They all think its sacrilegious, I just think they're all dumbasses." Quistis was quiet, this put a new perspective on things. She never had a real family but even to have a brother that would be willing to stand up for her like that would be more than she could ever wish for. "What was her name?" He finally looked up at her, tears lingering in the corners of his eyes. "Her name was Lottie. Quistis my mom and grandma would rather see me go to my death far away from here rather than watch me die in front of them. Please take me with you. I know it seems like I'm using you but I'm not. I'm really not." Tears were falling now and he clung to her skirt on his knees. " I was perfectly content to die, I deserve it for what I did, but you gave me a reason to live. I don't want to die now, I want to know you. Get to know you better. I want to know everything and if you don't take me with you, then I'll never get the chance to. You'll be gone. And I will die in a few years. I'm twenty Quistis. I don't want to spend five years in torment and anguish for letting you go. If I could kill myself then I would if you left me but I can't. They make sure I don't. They stand guard at night and make sure I don't try anything stupid. Don't leave me here Quistis. Please don't!" Her heart broke but she still couldn't let him die with her. He didn't deserve death for what he did. He deserved only love for defending the one that he loved. "How about you run away then if you won't be able to kill yourself?" Her words came out harsher and more hurtful than she had meant them to. He dropped his eyes from her. "I can't. I run away and they'll track me down until I'm brought back here and my sentence is carried out. I'll be kept in chains until I die; a death that they will prolong as much as possible." She dropped down level with him and he let go of her skirt. She squatted and made him look at her. "How do I take you with me then?" She asked gently. This was impossible she thought. If she took him he would be hunted and if she left him he would be in a worse hell that him being tortured. Either way he was going to be hurt. At least if he came with her he would have a friend for a little while... Ben's words came to her breaking her trance, " You have to ask the permission of the elders who rule 'Here'. You have to convince them to let me come with you. If you do then I'll be exiled, a more shameful ending than death but I will still be alive. I don't think the odds are to good for them letting me come. They'd rather see me hung in front of their eyes so they can curse me and laugh at me before they incinerate my body than see me alive and finding happiness and peace. They want me to suffer for my sins." "But you did nothing wrong." " I took the life of a man, a powerful man. The brother of one of the elders." "You sure pick good people to kill Ben." She muttered softly. "He sure picked a good person to mess with." He answered more quietly but with extreme bitterness. Quistis could tell how much he hated him and that no matter how hard he tried he could never be sorry for taking his life. Ashamed but never sorry. "Come on lets go get you out of here." She said with a sigh. At least now she wouldn't be alone anymore. "Quistis?" "What?" "How many people did you kill?" His question caused her to inhale suddenly, a breath she held like it were her last. "Too many Ben. Too many." ***** It had been nearly half an hour and she was still pacing outside the building. Quistis looked up and caught her breath again. It was hopeless. How could she get these elders, the rulers, to even listen to her, much less grant her permission to take away possibly the one person they wanted to see die the most? She paced again. It was hopeless. His words drummed over again in her head, " They want me to suffer for my sins... I was perfectly content to die but then I met you... The brother of one of the elders..." He had found the one thing that had made him afraid to die and want his life. He had found it. She gulped. And it was her. Quistis jumped slightly as his hand found her own. It was a comfort and she just stared at it. His hands fit around hers perfectly. It was a wonder to her how so small a gesture could give so much comfort. She looked at his face to search for the answer but immediately wished she hadn't. He was smiling at her. A large, dopey grin that somehow fit the depressing moment. Now she couldn't let him down. He was counting too much on her. Quistis would not have his blood on her hands if she could prevent it. She carefully dislodged her hand from his and turned back to stare once again at the hardpacked clay wall of the building. The speckling of black spots was making her dizzy. She needed to think she told herself. She tried to steal a look at Ben again but realized her mistake as her heart tore further. She stared at the wall again and found herself trying to connect the black specks in all sorts of patterns. Her fingers dragged across the rough surface of the stone. 'Everything has a surface.' She thought. 'All you have to do is scratch it away to find what's underneath.' Ben had settled himself down on one of the hard steps that surrounded the building and Quistis sighed. She had got past Ben's surface. And now that she had she was in too deep... Quistis took one final look around. The city wasn't huge but a nice size for a city to be. All tannish clay buildings with wooden shingled roofs, front doors of wood for private establishments and blankets draped over doorways for public ones. No building was over two floors, none with a basement. Quistis rather liked the look of the city. The clay contrasted starkly with the greeness of the grass and plants. Every house had at least one small garden and larger trees weren't found until the edge of the city. She wondered why for a moment but then shook away the thought and set he mind back to her task at hand. With a heavy sigh and growing anticipation Quistis pushed aside the heavy, drab blanket that covered the doorway and walked, straight and dignified, inside to the elders and the fate of a new love. ***** The four men looked up with shock and disgust as a young woman with blonde hair swept back entered the room through the doorway. This was unheard of. No one just walked in to the House of the Elders. It was sacrilege, a crime punishable by death. The lines of disgust deepened at the fact that the one to enter was indeed a woman, a young one at that, a mere child. They glanced at each other and one word came to mind that made them more malcontent. Outsider. The two guards who were standing on the inside of the doorway jumped at the intrusion. They never had to deal with anything before. They were there for show only, not to enforce laws that people obeyed anyway. This was new to them and a most unwelcome interruption of their afternoon dozes at the doorway. They jumped in front of the woman and extended their arms barring the way. The elders who sat at the back of the room on the ceremonial rug raised their eyebrows. This was sure to be interesting and would be dealt with accordingly; she had already forfeited her life by stepping through the door without calling for a council with them. She seemed to look straight past the guards towards the men who sat amused in their disgust. The guards began to become nervous as she paid them not attention only stared past their extended arms. They stepped in front of her. "You cannot be here. You must leave and your sin will be dealt with accordingly. Outside." Quistis finally turned her attention slowly to them. She eyed them calmly, with her most collected face. The face that had come to be known around Garden as her instructor face. "I have business to attend to." She said making sure her voice carried as much dignity and power as possible. The guards cast sidelong glances at each other, revealing to her their unease. 'A deadly mistake to betray yourself like that.' she thought. It was painfully obvious to her that they were not used to having people go against their wishes and now didn't know what course of action to take. She was empowered and she knew it. They continued to shift uneasily under her gaze. One of them, a tall man in, she guessed, his middle thirties spoke up first. His voice came clear but she could sense the undertone of confusion and panic. "We insist that you leave." He took a glance at the second man who nodded his encouragement. The first man addressed her again, emboldened, "Immediately." She regarded them with a cold continence that masked her amusement. She held her head higher and she stood tall, her back rigid. "All I insist that you leave me be. It would serve you better not to press me." She lifted her chin to indicate the elders still sitting placidly behind them. They were livid that she wasn't removed and taken into custody yet. She continued. "It is to them that I wish to speak not you. I'm sure you two could be easily replaced if you so choose to vex me." She did nothing to veil the threat her words presented, nor did she care to veil it. "I'm sure those guards will be more than capable of disposing of your bodies." From the flashes of panic that haunted their now pale and sallow faces she knew that she had total control of them. She narrowed her eyes into slits and glared at the dangerously, first one then the other. "Move." She said low and threatening. The guards tried to gulp down the lump of fear in their throats but soon realized they couldn't keep it where it belonged. They parted the way for her and with small rivulets of sweat dripping from their necks they left the room. Quistis's gaze turned towards the elders again. "Not very efficient guards you have." Embarrassment burned bright on their cheeks. Embarrassment and outrage. Her words continued and she could sense them striking home with every syllable. "Either I am being very base and foolish here or it appears that your guards are masters of the escape arts." "How dare you disgrace us child!" Cold malice and rage poured forth at her in those words. Quistis took note of who spoke. He was in his sixties she presumed, short, way too round, and if she could tell from his girth, arrogant as all hell. "Child?" She asked with a calmness that was threatening in itself. "I see no child here. If it is me to which you are referring I'm afraid I do not get the reference. I do believe that I know as much as you do, much more I should imagine as it seems that you rarely leave this comfortable establishment. I'm afraid that I could reproduce much more efficiently than any of you. Not to impugn you sirs any but I do believe that a man perhaps forty or fifty years your jounior, a man of twenty we shall say, would be a bit more potent than you in that department. I fight as well as any of you, better I would say judging by your guards. If it is to my gender that you make the reference and you believe that I am in some way inferior to you because of it I would seriously urge you to change your opinion very quickly as I can assure you that not many would hold you in very high esteem. Lastly, I am informed of my age and am well confused as to why you would decide to make that a point of reference. I do not address you sirs as old so therefore I do not wish you to address me as young, none the less label me as something you deem as helpless, small, and inferior. I am clearly not." There was a silence in which Quistis relished the opportunity to take stock of the looks on their faces. They were an excellent shade of crimson from both embarrassment and fury. She was glad they noted her words carefully as they allowed her to level the playing field. The man who had addressed her before spoke again. This time he could barely contain himself. Quistis thought he looked like he was going to explode. More power to her. "What do you want?" Quistis's glowing eyes were the only betrayal of amusement. "I do not believe that is the proper way to address me after your city has been most kind, hospitable, and courteous. I would like to think that they got their manners from their leaders but this is clearly not the case. But no matter. I have come to you with a proposition." "A proposition? Why should we listen to any proposition you make?" He asked again. It was clear that he was the voice of the group. He wasn't speaking to her; the group was. And now based on the tone of mockery in his voice, the group was laughing at her. "It would be in your best interest to listen to me." "You wish to threaten us?" This time his voice came out with a chuckle. Quistis wasn't phased. "If it comes to that." She replied with iron coldness in her voice. 'What idiots' she thought, 'they were playing right into her hands without even realizing it'. "What would this proposition be?" He asked more out of curiosity and amusement than as the product of intimidation. "I need one of your men." The sat and stared at her. Blinking. "Excuse me what?" She smiled inwardly to herself making sure her face did not betray her. 'Now she had their attention'. "I need one of your men." She repeated again keeping her voice even. "For what?" She found the suspicion in their voices laughable. "That is my business." They cringed, stunned. Suddenly all the amusement fled from them. "I suggest you comply with my request." "And what would be in it for us? All I can hear are your demands and now I demand of you, what is in this deal for us?" A small smile was on her lips. "Give me a criminal. I know the laws here. Punishment runs high on your priority list. Give me a criminal. You'll never see him again and you'll serving justice as well as pleasing me." They laughed. All of them. They laughed at her. "Why should we please you?" Was the question that was posed between gasps of air. "Lets see there are numerous things I could do to you." She said through a vicious smile. "I could whip you until you beg me to stop. I could hang you by your thumbs from the ceiling. Or I could rip out your voice boxes with my fingernails..." She continued for a good ten minutes listing many various forms of torture. She was amazed how much attention they paid her, cringing whenever she described something particularly nasty. She was also amazed how easily the words were coming to her and rolling off her tongue in terrifying combinations. She remembered something she had been told a long time ago, one of her earliest memories. Matron had once told her that it was wrong to lie and even worse to lie and know that your lying and that it's wrong. 'Well,' Quistis reasoned, 'What they did to Ben was wrong. He didn't do anything; they were the evil ones. What she was doing wasn't nearly as bad as what they were going to do to Ben and what they had done to countless others.' Quistis's smile broadened, "I've got it. It is perfect. I won't kill you good sirs. No, I would rather let you live in misery. It will be amusing talk for everyone too. Lets see... first I rip out your tongues with my fingernails. Then I hang you from the ceiling until you pass out. Once you're out like a light I tie you down until you wake up. Once you're awake again I castrate you, not with a knife but take a string and cut off the circulation to that area until it falls off. Sounds like fun doesn't it?" They scooted back on the rug away from her terrified. Quistis only smiled. In a scant second she was holding the head elder around the neck, her whip entwined tightly around his throat turning him dark purple. "Or we can just do this." She tightened her grip on the whip making the man gasp for air. "Must I again ask you to comply with my requests or will my action suffice?" Their expressions were priceless and Quistis could barely contain her laughter. "Well answer me." She demanded as the man's feet kicked out jerking. They gulped and instinctively brought their hands up to their own throats. "No, I believe your actions are sufficient enough thank you." She straightened and released the man who scuttled back to the wall. She simple brushed a loose stand of hair from her face. "I thank you for your cooperation, even with some reluctance. Just remember it would not be wise to cross me or my friends. I am leaving immediately-" They interrupted her terrified but persistent none the less, "It is sacrilege!" "Nonsense. Anyway as I was saying I am leaving but my friends will not be. I suggest you do well by them and tolerate them as best you can. Your people certainly do not mind us and we respect them, a lesson you would do well to learn. Now as for the business at hand, do you have a preference as to which criminal? I suggest it be one you most despise and has done you personally ill. Whoever it is I want him young, a child more or less to you. And dangerous, don't want to forget that. A hidden danger, one that comes out when provoked. A murderer I would think." She looked at their pale faces. "Yes a murderer would suit me very well." The elders nodded their compliance casting horrified glances at the woman who was now playing with her finger nails. One unanimous decision arose: Name: Benjamin Phillips, Age: 20, Crime: Murder. ***** "I'm gunna go see her off." Rinoa announced, breaking the errie silence that had held the room for the last hour and a half. "Rinoa she's long gone already." Seifer said, not gently but not harsh either. "Then I can say goodbye to her footprints." She said as she got up and began walking towards the door. "I'm coming with you." Squall said getting up slowly from his chair. He was never one for emotions but he could sense her emotions were like a floodgate. "You're going to get lost all by yourself." She nodded in silent thanks. "Wait for me." Kayonna pushed her way past Seifer towards the door to join Rinoa. "Alright." Seifer sighed. Everyone else followed soon after. They got directions from the nearest woman. She sounded terrified by their request but was willing to help so they gratefully accepted her directions. "At this corner you make a left. Go down two blocks and make a right. Make another right a block after that and a left three blocks after that turn. Go straight for six blocks, make a right, a left, and three more rights at the first turns you come to. This leads you out of the city. Head east and climb over the other ridge and you'll see the gateway. I wouldn't go if I were you. It's against the teachings to enter the gateway, you'll all be thrown into hell you will for even approaching it. Anyway good day to you all." With that the woman vanished quickly down the street. They stood blinking. Zell just wondered how she could talk so fast and so long without taking a breath. "Okay Commander. You heard the woman now lead us oh great and powerful leader of ours." Seifer muttered in amusement. Squall felt his anger rising. Anger that he now strove to put down. "Fine." He cursed and began stalking off down the street. ***** "So Quistis- thanks." Ben muttered as they walked over the land towards the gateway. "Don't worry about it. Just don't go dying on me now you understand me?" Ben bit his lip and finally asked the question he had been burning to ask since she had returned with his freedom. "How did you get them to let me go with you?" Quistis sighed tiredly. All she wanted to do was curl up and go to bed. "I scared them into believing I would castrate them if they didn't." "Oh alright." His mind reeled. "Ummm Quistis you know that I'm going to follow you to the ends of the earth right? You saved my life. thank you. I could never repay you for that. Anything you want just say it. My life is in your hands. A gift I give willingly not from obligation. So thank you." Quistis only nodded. After a few minutes of watching their feet drag sullenly over the drab and lifeless brown Ben couldn't take it anymore. He had to know. "Quistis where are we going? Why are we going?" If he only knew she thought. "It's better if I don't tell you. The less you know the safer you are." She answered finally. Being with him would be harder than she thought but worth it not to be alone. Just when Ben was about to strike up some form of conversation again he was stopped by a voice that was carried on the wind. He could just make out the word Quistis as the wind whirled past. They turned around and traced the route they had followed with their eyes. On the ridge above was a sight that made Quistis's heart fill with overwhelm. Perched on the top of the ridge were the only people she had ever called family. She caught more words from them, "Why aren't you gone already?" She smiled, "I got caught up in something." She yelled back her words deafening her to make up for the distance. Ben looked in silent awe, eyes searching each person in the distance. "Your friends?" "My family." She answered without hesitation. "Squall, Zell, Rinoa, Selphie, Irvine, Chani, Kayonna, and I guess you can consider him family we've known each other for a long time Seifer. We've been through a lot and now I have no doubt that we will have many more adventures before this is over." It still didn't seem real to her, saying goodbye. But what choice did she have? This was just another thing she would get through just like all the other trials and challenges in her life. It was weird he thought These people came to say goodbye to her and they weren't her real family, while his family, they cried but not how they had when they found out how he had shamed them. Life is funny. Things tend to happen that you don't expect. Things you don't want to accept. Quistis turned around to leave again for it was going to be easier now that she had the chance for one last goodbye. She had made it one step before another message was sent to her across the wind, "I can see why you kept him to yourself Quisty." It made her laugh, it wasn't the reason but it made her laugh all the same. "I'll see you all again!" She yelled back for her last time. "Someday..." She added to herself as tears threatened to creep into her eyes. She gulped back the knot in her throat and set her feet to the road. ***** "What now?" Rinoa sighed as she threw herself onto the ground and stared at the darkened clay walls of the house in which they would be staying. "We wait." Zell answered bluntly. "No shit. She meant what do we do while we wait you dumbass chickenwuss." "Yeah well you're a fucking bastard." "Does the little boy want to start with me?" Seifer taunted. "Oh just shut up. You wanna kill each other then go ahead and do it already and stop annoying the hell out of all of us with it." Squall growled from the corner. He didn't need this; far from it. He couldn't help thinking about the precious few moments of peace they had had after Ultimecia was gone. He had been happy then, happier actually than he had been for as long as he could remember. He had Elone there, his sister and the beginning of a real family. He was in charge of some stuff but that was alright it wasn't too bad he was the newly appointed "Commander" and everything. He had friends, something he had found the worth of and he had learned to appreciate much more than his loneliness he had before. And he also had the one thing that meant more to him than anything he had ever had before or ever will have he estimated. He had Rinoa. She stood beside him, she believed in him, she respected him, and she loved him. She kept his ring around her neck next to hers and would as long as she loved him. As long as that ring was there everything would turn out alright. Squall was snapped out of his lamenting but another infamous quirp from Seifer which was dismissed only because Squall wasn't paying enough attention to really hear it. "I guess we just have to live like normal people for a little while. I don't even think I remember how to live like a normal person anymore." Kayonna said with a frown etched across her brow. Now that she thought about it did she ever really live a normal life? Her father was considered one of the greatest men their people had ever known, she grew up with him and had been left with his legacy, her entire world as far as she was concerned was shattered by war. As if that wasn't enough of a contrast to the lifestyle of Here she had Seifer as a boyfriend and had recently been kidnapped by a psychopath sorceress. Now she finally had the chance to live a normal life, a dream she had been chasing for years on end, she wasn't sure that she really wanted it. "How long are we gunna be here?" Irvine inquired. He wasn't too ure how he felt about all of this. Things was going to fast and changing too much. "As long as it takes." Chani answered with a heavy sigh. Squall ran everything over in his head. He wasn't going to complain he decided. You do what you have to, take care of yourself and hope it all turns out alright in the end. Squall silently cursed himself; he was falling back into his old habit. He didn't feel like trusting anyone, letting them in, giving them a chance; he just didn't want to have to think about them and have to worry. He only worried about one thing; the one person that he'd rather die than push away. Squall gazed steadfastly at the rings hanging against the soft curve of her chest. He wasn't going to let her down; he was going to fight. For her. "Alright Rin, normal people time lets go." He offered her his hand. Squall's public displays of affection were usually rare making this all the more special. "What do you want to eat?" He asked her softly, his lips seductively close to her ear. Rinoa bit her lip. He didn't even know what he was doing she thought. Rinoa placed one hand firmly against his chest tracing a line over the muscle she could feel through his shirt, the other she moved to the back of his head. "What exactly do you have in mind Squall?" She whispered, her lips brushing the sensitive skin of his ear. He pulled away suddenly to study her face. The look of innocent confusion made her laugh. "Come on we'll think of something." The night drifted into day and back again as the twisting kaleidoscope of life continued its journey. The myriad of possibilities that could be wrought from one simple turn of fate was always on the edge and waited for. The quiet of life was more threatening to them than any monster found in dreams. The monster could be fought but the calm was the intangible calm before the storm. They didn't want to be in battle but waiting on the edge of one was worse. "This is crazy! We should be out there not sitting here like we're having a tea party!" Squall ran his fingers wildly through his hair. His blood was running as hot as the shimmering heat waves of air circulating around him as he sat perched on the cliff. "I need to kill something before I go insane!" "You can't." Rinoa answered coming up softly behind him. "Nothing lives out there. They don't have any monsters in Here either." Squall closed his eyes and sought peace as her arms came around his neck from behind. Her soothing touch made the anxiety and deepening anger at the whole injustice of life bearable. He let his mind clear as she sat down behind him and pressed herself up against the back of his tee-shirt. Her arms tightened their protective grip around his neck as she placed her head on his shoulder. "What are you doing here Squall?" His hands came up and rested on her forearms. "Rin I want to go home. I want the two of us to go home. Together. I want to marry you, have kids and live happily ever after with you. Just like all those stories we heard as kids. The ones that always turned out right in the end no matter how dark or dangerous they had become. Even when it looked like they could never go back and the sun would never shine again the clouds would always part and the new day would be all the brighter. We deserve that at least. A happy ending." "You don't like kids." She said gently as she stared out over his shoulder at the endless brown. A happy ending. It didn't seem possible. The evil would never stop. And yet, did it really have to? Could they be happy, just the two of them? Even with everything else in the world? She would make sure he had a happy ending. She would take on the entire world to make it a reality not a fading dream. "I would if they were ours." "Your temperament and my personality they would be a handful you know." She could feel the corners of her mouth pull into a smile. "Good thing I love you then." He muttered softly, burying his face in her arms. Rinoa hugged his body closer to hers. This was their story and she was going to make sure he got his fairytale ending, the chance at the life and love he had missed in his childhood. "Squall" "What?" "Stay with me. No matter how dark the sky gets." ***** She had been sitting on the ever-growing mound of earth for several minutes watching, just watching him work. She had been hoping that he had some purpose for his new-found activity and had been trying to figure out just what exactly that was. Rinoa's puzzlement grew to exasperated curiosity." Seifer, what are you doing?" He looked up at her incredulously. "What does it look like I'm doing?" He turned his attention back to the dirt he was shoveling up into a mound, "I'm digging a hole." "I can see that." She murmured as he thrust the shovel hard into the dirt with spite that she could see possible to take as anger. "Why are you digging a hole?" He didn't even bother to turn his mud-stained face to her to answer. It required too much effort. "I'm bored." Was the curt response he gave when questioned again. Rinoa sighed. This wasn't the Seifer she had known and fallen in love with. Things were too different between them now and they could never go back. The crumpled up paper can't be perfect again she thought with a growing sadness. "Seifer, what happened to you? You've changed." He gave the dirt an extra-hard slice with the shovel and threw it down. "Have I really changed Rinoa? No. I just grew up. I haven't changed; you just didn't know certain things about me that you know now. What, you want to change me? Do I bother you that much Rinoa?" As she watched him she couldn't help but feel the respect and certain confidence she had known creep back into her system. She again found the love and respect she had for him. The way he held himself upright even in the face of pain and torture had always filled her with pride and awe. The mud splattered across the heaving plains of his body might as well have been the crimson trails of blood lost in a battle fought, the dignity in which he held himself was that great in her eyes. Something came back to her as she watched the man who had previously had his whole existence ripped to shreds. It was something she had heard when she was very little. He father had once told her that a man can do great things, terrible acts of horror even but they are still great, good or evil things could still be great. Seifer was great. Greatness makes for danger just as; ignorance makes for servitude. "You really don't like him do you?" "Who?" He asked bitterly as she shoveled dirt over his bare shoulder. "You know who." "I don't really like anyone." Rinoa knew the truth of this definitive statement. She could remember all those times when he had told her how much he disliked people when she introduced them. "What about Rajin and Fujin?" "They don't count." "What about me?" Seifer paused for a moment taken by the question. "I got your back Rin. I told you that a long time ago." "You also told me you loved me." Rinoa said bitterly as she dragged her foot in circles around the dirt. Life was so complicated. It wasn't fair. She thought. "You told me that too." He countered shifting his weight to cover his discomfort. "You let me believe it." Even her cool composure couldn't coat the poison of her words. Of all the memories that taunted and tortured him she was the one he couldn't shake. She haunted him day and night, her footsteps always leaving echoes in his mind. Echoes that would stir memories and feelings that he'd rather stay hidden and secret in a past that he would keep locked up only for himself. Just watching her was bad enough but now she doubted that he had ever loved her. It brought a foul taste into his mouth. "Rinoa I did love you, in a way I still do and always will. You and me will always be a thing of each other's memories I know that. I loved you only not in the way you needed or deserved. You did the same for me. It wasn't enough Rin. For you or for me. You wanted something I couldn't give you so I let you go. You found what you were missing and I found what I had had all along. What I have now is more powerful and deeper than anything we ever had or could have had together. I loved you back then but that wasn't enough. I'm sorry. " Rinoa smiled. The man she had loved wasn't lost only more complex in the web of personalities. "I love him more than anything." "I love her as much." "Thanks Seifer." Rinoa whispered as he climbed out of the hole and stood by her. "Don't worry I got your back. Always." He whispered as he grabbed up his shirt which had been buried with numerous clod of dirt and mud. He shook it clean and pulled it over his head. He placed one reassuring hand in her shoulder. "I'm going to go find Kay." He said with a gentleness he had thought he had lost for the world a long time ago. "Never be sorry." He called over his shoulder as his form moved away from her step by step. Rinoa smiled a small sad smile. She had finally found peace and knew that not everything can be lost to darkness not matter how hard it tried to consume it. Her hand came up and fingered the rings lovingly. She was never going to be sorry. For anything. ***** Seifer soundlessly pushed aside the brambles and parted the veil of leaves that obstructed the view of the object for which his heart was lusting. Seifer felt as if he couldn't breathe as he stepped out of the brush onto the sandy softness of the beach. The air in his lungs felt as if it had all been bidden to leave him and join the still air to complete the beauty of the picture he now found himself viewing. He couldn't get the breath back. The small patch of sandy beach was seamlessly pure with one lone pair of footsteps down to the crystal plain of water. She was bathing in the moonlight, the crystal blue turned navy in the night light reflected her into its face in unalterable divinity. The dark string of the bikini was hidden amongst the dark hair slicked straight and black by the weight of the perfect droplets that hung in it. The unearthly aura that the moonlight sent off her milky skin elicited shivers to tingle down the man's spine. When he caught his breath again he was breathing hard, almost panting. He wanted more than anything to go to her but found himself holding back. The picture was too pure for him to fit, it would shatter and be lost forever. His eyes burned as he watched her hand slowly travel down the length of her hair, dripping in small drops and rolling off her skin in rivulets. Seifer slowly, tentatively took a step forward. Before his foot could even feel the cool embrace of the water her voice rang out to him, cold and deadly, "I wouldn't move if I were you." He froze. A million things raced through the course of his mind in that threatening instant before she turned around. She turned fluidly in the water, hair whirling rapidly to hit against her cheek. In each hand she held a dagger which she had spun around rapidly with a flic of her wrists. She breathed a sigh of relief and let her hands fall solemnly to her sides. The daggers she slipped fluently back into the sheath she had strapped around her upper thigh. Seifer sighed sullenly as she turned her back to him again and dove under the smooth surface of the glistening water. She emerged a second later, an eternity of not being able to watch over and protect her as she was hidden from his sight. He pulled off his shoes, socks and his shirt and let them fall onto the sandy bank as he waded into the water. He moved further into the water as she didn't seem even to acknowledge his presence and continued to rub her arms clean. "Kay?" She still refused to turn to him. "How did you find me? This isn't exactly a well known spot I don't think." It wasn't a well-known spot; she was the first to lay eyes on the crystal water of the small lake. The people of Here were a naturally quiet and cautious people who's hearts lie in peace. They dared not, nor cared to venture outside the city, not even to the out-lying woods. Seifer could sense something was wrong but knew her better than to ask her. "I tracked you." A certain bitterness haunted her voice, "Why?" His frown grew more pronounced, "I was worried about you." His mind worked frantically to make sense of her morose demeanor as his eyes traveled in careless circles down her body to where the water ended and the sky began. Kayonna could feel his eyes studying her. She knew the tormented expression that would be held on his face and couldn't bare to even imagine it. She turned striving to avoid eye contact. "You have no need to worry. I give you no cause," He lifted her chin with his fingers. "We're not who we used to be..." "You are." He voiced gently. "Am I?" He could sense the challenge in her two simple words. Seifer still couldn't grasp the full meaning of what was gnawing away at her, but he knew that this was something she would have to figure out on her own. He couldn't answer her question. Two simple words; and he couldn't answer them. "No. We're the dammed Seifer! We have too many unanswered sins to go back to who we used to be. How can we be forgiven for what we've done? We can't. We- I can never be who I used to be. I knew who I was back then, life was simpler. The war- everything, it didn't matter we just did what we had to. Then we got involved in the worst thing in our entire lives. It's all my fault. I'm sorry." She collapsed into sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Everything that happened happened because she got to me. I'm sorry." He let her weight fall on him, "Kay listen to me. This isn't your fault. None of it is. It's my fault. I was the one that wasn't there to protect you. That bitch Ultimecia knew exactly what she was doing, she knew she could get to me through you. I was the one who wasn't there. Every moment of my life I'm constantly thinking about what I've done, what I would have been prepared to do. I want to kill myself every waking moment. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't breathe without thinking about what had happened. Everything I did I did because she had you. I torture myself every minute for letting her get to you. What happened happened. What I did I did because I had to. One thing though, I'm not sorry and never will be. Everything I did I'd do again if it meant your life. Don't you ever be sorry. No matter what." Her sobs lessened as he hugged her head to his chest. "There is no redemption for my sins." He lifted her chin and wiped away the remaining tears. "There is no penance that can be given." Seifer managed a small smile even through his internal torment. "But for other sins I have no will to do penance." He reached down slowly and carefully to unbuckle the daggers she had strapped around her leg. Her face was too close to focus but he knew she would be looking straight back into his eyes. "Kayonna, will you give me my sin again?" ***** "So tell me, how did you two meet?" Chani asked as she settled herself in for a story. Zell almost choked as she asked the question. "You mean the first time or the second?" Irvine inquired as he watched Chani prop her elbows up on the table. "You mean you two met twice?" She asked her eyes round as they moved from Selphie to Irvine and back again. "Its a long story." Zell imputed as he watched Chani's anticipation grow. "A really long story." "I wanna hear it." She rested her head on her hands as if she were a little child waiting to be told a story about a princess and a dragon. They proceeded to tell the story starting with what was referred to affectionately as the orphanage gang and culminating to the point where they all had met Chani. "Well I think its a hell of a story." Chani said with a degrading look towards Zell. He had been bored and fidgeting the entire reaccounting. Selphie smiled amused, "Now I expect to hear the same thing from you. Tell me how you two met, we're all a little lacking on the details." Zell tensed up instinctively, this wouldn't be easy for either of them. "Well, I was rotting in the prison cell thing when this guard grabs Zell, pulls him into the cave and starts screaming at him to 'guard me'. Of course he just stood there blinking stupidly like a deer in front of headlights as the guy keeps screaming-" "I love you too." Zell muttered sarcastically, resenting being called a stupid deer. Chani gave Zell an exasperated side-long glance, "Excuse me but I wasn't finished yet." He rolled her eyes as she turned back towards the eager Selphie and Irvine. "Well anyway," She continued, "In comes my father, totally unarmed and begging for them to let me go. This guard guy was the biggest bastard on the entire planet and I wish I could have killed him when I had the chance. "She paused. "He killed my father in front of us." Zell felt for her as he noticed how quickly she sad it. She acted as if the faster she could say it, the faster she could push it to the back of her mind again. A single tear rolled down her cheek before she could continue. "Well after a while I was able to convince rookie guard over here," She jerked her head towards Zell, "To let me out to see my father. He let me say one last goodbye. I was really upset I guess at Zell for not stopping the bastard from killing my father even though I knew it was impossible." "Yeah you threw rocks at my head!" "I was angry what would you have done? I then tried to escape from slick over here but it didn't go exactly as I had planned." "No it didn't go as she wanted at all." Zell began. "Let me tell you something, she is fast. I really really fast." "Not fast enough." Chani muttered bitterly. "No not fast enough but if it makes you feel better you got closer to getting away than anyone else I've ever met." She returned the encouraging smile, although reluctantly. "Yeah I managed to grab her foot and pull her back. Oh man she wasn't too happy with that." He turned to Chani accusingly, "In fact you bit me. Look I still have the scars." He trust out his wrist which was riddles with a few red scars of teeth marks. "You wouldn't let go." She answered as if it were the most natural response in the world. "I said I was sorry... Later." "Yeah a long time later. So after she had calmed down a bit I was able to put her back into that cell. We began talking- well at least I began talking she didn't say too much, well we were talking all nice when that bastard guard comes in again and took a cheap shot at me over the head. So now both of us were in the cell. We pretended I was dead and jumped the guard and that whole bit that got all of us out of the D-District prison. So the guard was out cold and Chani was able to get us out of the cell and we met up with you people." "Well I score that as a ten for most original meeting." Selphie said enthusiastically. "Although, we still don't know anything about this Quistis thing." "Well no sense thinking about it now." Irvine said as he got up and pulled Selphie to her feet. "Hey where are you going?" Chani and Zell both exchanged confused looks as they both got to their feet. "We're going to leave the two of you alone for a while." Irvine winked at them. "Don't worry no one is going to be back for a long time yet." Selphie pulled him out the door giggling. "Have fun kids." Irvine's voice came as he shut the door with a certain finality. Chani and Zell were motionless, staring at the closed door. Slowly both pairs of eyes moved back to catch each other's nervously. They both were fully aware of why they had been left alone but now that they were they didn't now how to react. They were fast becoming desperate to somehow break the awkward silence that had settled uncomfortably over the room. "Hi" "Hi" Zell responded, his voice barely above a whisper. Another long peal of unbearable silence overcame the hushed room. Neither dared to move. The minutes were beginning to slowly tick away. "Oh what the hell." Chani exclaimed as she jumped at Zell, knocking him backwards onto the table. "Chani-" Zell closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath as she began to kiss him. His hand brushed her cheek gently as she settled herself comfortably on top of him on the table. He kissed her softly as he felt her hands roam over his chest before reaching for the waistband of his jeans. "Chani" He breathed as he gently lifted her off of him and set her on her feet in front of him. He slipped his hands around her waist seeking desperately for the control he needed. "Chani, we can't do this." "Why not?" She asked in disappointment. She was breathing hard as he rubbed his hands up and down her sides. Zell swallowed the lump in his throat. "We just can't." He answered praying for the self-control that wasn't coming. This was harder for him than she would ever know he though bitterly. Chani closed her eyes and took a breath. She understood what he was trying to say but wasn't able to. "It's one of your feelings isn't it? Like the one telling us to go east from the crater. The feeling that got us here." He nodded, feeling the full force of the compassion in her voice. She moved closer, pressing herself tighter against him as she leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Just this once, ignore it." She left a compassionate kiss on his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder. Chani could feel him tense up, his grip tightening around her waist as he struggled within himself, trying to justify her words. He fought harder as she continued to press herself closer to him. Zell extended his arms and held her away from him as she began to trail kisses down his neck. "Chani I can't ignore it. I don't know why but we just can't. I can't explain it but something is going to happen to me and I don't think I'm going to make it through." He paused and felt her flinch away. "Chani this is the only way that you and I are not together and if something should happen to me it might be easier for you to move on this way." The thought of her being with anybody else brought a bad taste into his mouth. "I know that it doesn't make any sense, but all I know is that if I don't have all of you and you don't have all of me, completely, then it should make it even the slightest bit easier for you to go on and find someone else." Zell could only look on painfully as she shook her head back and forth and her eyes widened in fear, pain and protestation. "But nothing is going to happen to-" her protest was cut short as he placed his fingers over her lips. "Shhh" "But-" "Shhh. Don't argue with me." Zell commanded, much to her annoyment. "Just promise me that if anything should happen to me you'll go and find a guy that deserves you. I'll be very pissed off if I should die saving your life and you end up dead anyway, especially if it is by your own hand. Promise me you'll go on. Promise me." She shook her head gently from side to side. He grabbed the sides of her head in his hands in desperation, "Chani promise me!" Her voice came out strained as she whispered firmly, "No." She made sure she kept some form of composure even though all she wanted to do was scream for it all to go away. "Dammit Chani! Why the hell won't you do it!" He had gripped her shoulder and shook her roughly back and forth. "Just promise me!" He snarled with a ferocity that almost frightened her. She set her jaw firm. "No." Was the definitive answer that seeped through gritted teeth. He jumped off the table and yanked her hard by the shoulder in infuriation and frustration, "Just do it!" She wriggled away roughly from his grasp. "No!" Zell was insane in his anguish and went to grab for her again. He froze as he saw her flinch and shrink away instinctively. The revelation of his insanity came flooding back to him. "Oh shit. Chani..." He reached out to touch her hand gently and froze as she again instinctively shrunk back. "Chani. Chani I'm so sorry. I-" She grabbed his hands and held them tightly. "I know." He pulled her into his arms and held her close as he buried his head in her neck. His inner torment grew worse as he thought about what he had just done; almost did. He had hurt her. Tears seeped onto her skin. "I'm so sorry. Chani so sorry. It's just that do you think this is easy for me? You think that I don't want you right now? Well the truth is that I want you more than anything. I don't enjoy hurting you Chani. I'm never going to hurt you again, ever. I'm not Kalla." She cringed again at the name and the memories it evoked. "Zell" He looked up at her in anguish. "Yeah baby" She closed her eyes. The words I Promise were barely audible, but they were there. "Thanks" He answered, his voice gaining back all the gentleness it had lost. Chani nodded solemnly. She had to promise. She couldn't hurt him any more, he was tearing himself apart. She leaned against him as he nuzzled her neck with gentle kisses. "The first night this is over we'll continue this. I promise." He whispered into her neck as he began to move away. "Want something to eat?" "Yeah sure." "Alright food it is then." He placed his hand reassuringly on her back but felt something he had never felt before under his palm. Zell shifted his fingers and ran them over the portion of raised skin. Chani pulled away suddenly and self-consciously pulled the halter top more securely over the mark. "Chani" She just looked at him impassively and tugged her shirt tighter around herself. Zell put one hand on her shoulder and held it firmly as he turned her around and shoved aside the material of the shirt to reveal the mark. She tried to pull away again but he held her fast. Some sort of symbol or unidentifiable word was etched into her skin to form a raised scar. "Chani... what happened?" He asked concerned as he ran his fingers over the scar and examined it. "It's nothing. Its a scar that's all." "Chani that's not just a scar. It was done deliberately, you can tell it was. You're not fooling me Chani. Now what happened?" "It's nothing. Trust me. No worries?" "Chani tell me." He ordered firmly. She kissed him and placed her hands on each side of his head. "I did tell you. It's a scar that's it, that's all there is to tell. Now no worries?" "... No worries" "Promise?" "No." "Good. Food then." Author's Note: I'm so incredibly sorry that this was so late. My computer hates me and crashed more than once so I'm lucky I can even get this in now. Hoping to get the other chapters typed soon so have to hope it works. Sorry again. Well, if anyone likes this little story of mine and has questions comments or even reviews email me at CrazESchmamE@aol.com. Sorry I know I'm a hopeless romantic. Hope people like the story because it's getting towards the end. Well, so long and hope to hear from people maybe. Next chapter coming as soon as possible.